Do you feel bad about how you spend your time?

I always thought how you spend your time was like women buying shoes... no matter what else is happening with how clothes fit your body at any moment, it's always fun to try on shoes. You feel good about shoes. I imagined people were like that about their time. I'm learning the answer is NO. After scrolling thru Amazon unlimited looking at hundreds and hundreds of books on time management, I asked a friend how there could possibly be so many books published on getting control of your time. And the friend blankly looked at me and said "because people feel bad about how they spend their time". Every click online, in vertical columns of 15 mins from morning til evening. Numbers are time in seconds. Which is all very curious because I'm investigating the notion that YOU are your time, you are defined by how you spend your time, the activities and even unconscious use of time says loads about your psyche, your personality and your inner-self. Your sense of who you are is based on the recollection of recent events, and what you are doing and intend to do. It's your basic orientation in the world.

If you hit your head in a car accident, the very first question is "What day is it, can you tell me your name?". To be cognizant in the world is to know who you are in time. Are you connected and aware of time and place...etc, etc. It's so basic, we rarely even notice time. For the most part we have control over the many, many decisions for what we do and how time is used.

Yeah, yeah we have a job, go to work, return calls to clients, have deadlines. But even within what is believed to be a tightly constrained world, we make decisions about our time. All those little decisions add up to your life. Little bits make the whole.

I'm intensely curious about the unconscious spurts of time that drive the pattern or rhythm of time as you work online. As I write this, there are fast clicks as I spew out a fast phrase, and then pause as I decide how to make the second half of this sentence connect and make sense. Even as you click, click, pause, click as you read and delete emails, or flip thru research. How much do you read and how fast do you click a link. There is a rhythm to the clicks.

Manictime is a backgroud app that runs on my laptop to capture every click, every app, webpage, link...everything I do as I work. Have run it for almost 3 years and I know my time online has a rhythm. (Oh jeez, I just grabbed the manictime link and realized it's described in google as a 'time management' app, ugh...sorry.)

I know my mornings are a burst of clicks...and afternoons are slower, longer as I read things or work on longer things. Am right in the midst of working this out, and imagining the physicality of your time in textured pattern. Would you recognize yourself? Do you swing wildly, or have a repetitive pattern like hearing the chorus of the melody over and over and over? If you read this and have any ideas about how you see yourself in time -- message me (not here, I turned off comments on my blog ages need to explain.) I'm easy to find online.